It's been a long season

For the past six weeks or so, I've been insane. Like truly, chemically imbalanced insane. Crying all the time. Panicking about ridiculous things, like, whether or not we'll paint our bedroom in January. Unable to decide what to have for dinner without extended hand-wringing.

I have undone all boundaries or barriers; I am permeable. I've lost track of where I end and other people, especially Adam, begin. He says I've been alternately controlling and helpless, both bossy and needy, which sounds about right. So now he's gone to Maine for two weeks, and I have a chance to relearn what is me, and what isn't me.

Scottie writes a lot about the solstice, and how the winter solstice is the darkest time of the year. It's been a long winter, and it's hardly ever light out anymore.