And my purse isn't even all that big

Inspired by The Hairpin, here are the contents of my handbag:

Outside pocket #1:
-black leather gloves (for when it gets cold at night.)
-purple cloth hat (for rainy days/cold weather. Yes, I'm in California. What?)
-tiny umbrella (from Target. It is only six inches when folded up. I love it. I don't like being wet, ok?)
-pepper spray (girly pink. a gift from friends.)
-hair tie
-folded up grocery list

Outside pocket #2:
-one red pen
-this is also the pocket I would keep a book or a magazine or a notebook in, but it doesn't have any of those things right now.

Inside main cavity:
-wallet (with driver's license, debit card, credit card, expired Safeway coupon, library card, AAA card, clipper transit card, gas station receipt, insurance cards, several business cards from friends/acquaintances, two $20 bills, change in coin purse)
-glasses case (with prescription sunglasses, because I'm wearing other glasses, and a cleaning cloth)
-keys
-pouch for iPhone (but phone is not in purse at moment)
-ticket stub (for Black Swan)
-other receipts (Bed Bath & Beyond, DB Shoes, a thai restaurant, two more gas station receipts, two ATM receipts)
-one penny

Inside zipper pocket:
-three battered tampons
-iPhone headphones
-case with tiny screws and screwdriver (for glasses repair)
-keychain pocket knife, in pink (attached to bike lock. I mostly just use the tiny scissors)
-Burt's Bees lip shimmer in watermelon (a little too pink but I still use it)
-moleskin rectangle (for blister prevention)
-one band-aid
-LipSyl lip balm in honey rose (smells nice)
-Jane mineral lip balm in brown sugar
-Clinique lipstick in currant stain (very bright, orange-y red. when I want to get Fancy)
-one lactase tablet (I'm holding it for a friend)
-emery board